Wildcard
How not to be a square peg
IBM - Inshaa Allah, Bukra, Ma'alesh
- God Willing, Tomorrow, Nevermind.
Bukra is tomorrow when it never comes. Never do today what can be done tomorrow. Slow down and smell the roses. Life's too short to spend all stressed out. Bukra is a general declaration of intent to do something, someday soon. Maybe tomorrow, maybe tomorrow's tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow's tomorrow's tomorrow. Que sera sera. When someone says Bukra, he means soon, In shah Allah, and again, maybe not that soon. "Bukra, Insha Allah" together means maybe, probably, I hope so, tomorrow - definitely maybe.
Ma'alesh is "sorry", "excuse me", "nevermind", "don't worry about it", "forget about it", "leave him alone", "leave me alone", "go away", and variations on this theme. It is arguably the most common of the three and a constant source of confusion to foreigners. Someone on a bus burns you with a cigarette and says "ma'alesh". Asks you for a favor and says, "ma'alesh". Someone wants you to come back tomorrow and says "ma'alesh".
The Road to Hell
We all have good intentions and we all want the best for everyone. Listening to people talk, you may think that they have big plans and clever solutions. So much to do, so little time. Let's do this and let's do that. We can talk to so and so, and I know someone, and everything will work this way or that way. What people do not expect is that all this talking is mostly thinking out loud. Everyone realizes this, except for the unwary, goal oriented, go getting foreigner.
Thinking out loud is how we declare possibilities, let others know what's in our heads and what's not, and allows us to negotiate an ever changing and dynamic social reality. This is so strange to Westerners that they may live in the region for decades and never actually figure it out. To them, all this planning talking is just so much insincere, egotistical posturing and a constant source of frustration. Locals do not understand why foreigners are so testy, annoying, and thick skulled.
Hey Hey Hey
Don't forget to say hello. Hello to you. Hello to your father. Hello to your uncle, your brother, your grandfather. Hello to everyone now and later.
The first time you see someone in the day say Hello. If you leave the room and come back again say Hello. If you pass someone on the street say Hello, whether you know him or not, Hello, Hello, Hello.. I am here. Are you there? Say hello to those of the same sex. Never say hello to the opposite sex. That would be excessive.
Women Rule
On the subject of the opposite sex, men should remember NEVER to take the initiative. In social situations, do not speak unless spoken to. Do not offer to shake hands. Do not make eye contact. Shake hands when a woman extends her hand. Make eye contact when a woman looks at you. Never stand unaccompanied chatting to a member of the opposite sex. Do not stroll around talking. Stick to business, focus on the subject of the conversation - don't babble. When in doubt, say "In shah Allah", "Bukra", or "Ma'alesh".
2 comments:
Mark, That is a very helpful guide. I didn't have any Saudi students when I worked in student exchange, but remember similar frustrating comversations with some Spanish partners who would send us hard to place students. Conversation:
US rep.: His GPA is not high enough for him to be accepted in an American High School
Spanish resp: I know his parents so well. They are an excellent family.
US rep.: He didn't pass his English test. If you keep sending us students like this, we won't be able to place any students in our area.
Spanish rep: Such an old family, such a nice boy. You know that when American students come here they learn Spanish very quickly. It will be fine
US rep.: Yes, but American schools insist on English speaking exchange students. They need their ESL classes for immigrants (sigh)
{find host family, talk to school, appease school counselor throughout term, find second host family, find third host famiy, write a letter to principal pleading the case the continue allowing program to place students in school, but discover that after all, he really is a nice boy.}
Anne, Your Spanish story sounds so familiar (the Spanish are really Arabs it seems). I can imagine your Spanish colleague smiling over the typically American obsession with exam results. "But, he's such a nice boy!" And, of course, nice boys learn English very quickly.
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